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The Wonderful Mystery
Many of you may not know that Dr. Smith is not the only one to have a fish bowl. Last fall in Dr. Webster’s class, we had a fish bowl to select a text from the book of Ephesians. When I reached into the fish bowl and grabbed, I looked and saw something familiar. It was a fish. But it wasn’t just any fish. I recognized it immediately as the same variety of fish that swallowed Jonah whole. It was the variety of fish that was appointed by God. I grabbed the one passage I would have least wanted to preach from, but most needed to. It is the passage on marriage found in Ephesians 5:21-33. If you would turn with me there.
Marriage has been on my heart since I was a child. I am a married man…happily married I might add. But I grew up in a family with parents who have had a difficult marriage. By God’s grace, healing is taking place to this day. A couple years ago, a godly family member of mine was in a short-lived extra-marital affair. By God’s grace, his marriage is restored and stronger than ever. And last fall, I learned that one of my Christian friends was having an affair with another one of my Christian friends—nearly destroying two marriages to which I was closely involved. I too am only one decision away from breaking my covenant of marriage.
Marriage today is in crisis. There is no need to give statistics concerning the crisis. We all see it—in our families, in our friends, on TV, and often in our own marriages. For a relationship as intimate as marriage, there are relatively few passages on the issue. But sadly, these very passages have proven so controversial that they are ignored, ridiculed and even hated—perhaps even by some of us.
This passage is controversial, and there are certain to be those who disagree with my interpretation of the passage. Please know that I think no less of you for disagreeing with me.
In the end, if there is nothing else that you get from this sermon, I want you to see that the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church is the model for Christian marriage, and as it is assembled appropriately, godly marriage is an image of the wonderful mystery of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Our passage comes in the midst of Paul’s discussion on being filled with the Holy Spirit in 5:18. Paul exhorts us to be filled with the Holy Spirit, and what follows are five results of being filled: “speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing, and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;” and then we come to the beginning of our passage, which is a hinge verse between Paul’s discussion on being filled with the Holy Spirit, and our section on the household which is still concerned with being filled with the Spirit: it reads: “and being subject to one another in the fear of Christ.”
Verses 21-24 suggest that wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord because he is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the Church. Let’s read:
"and being subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the Church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the Church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." (verses 21-24)
In this passage, we come to what has become an ugly word to many people, and that is “submit,” or “subject.” The Greek word literally means “to order oneself under.” It implies ordering yourself under another’s authority as can be seen in the context of this passage.
Some interpreters suggest that verse 21, which says, “subjecting yourselves to one another” implies a mutual submission between the husband and the wife. This would then be seen as a check against abuse of the relationship of the husband against the wife. At first glance, this seems to be the case, but I want to offer three reasons why I believe this submission is specifically for the wife to the husband.
First, this passage offers three examples of authority to which believers filled with the Holy Spirit submit appropriately. Those authorities are husbands over wives, parents over children, and masters over slaves. So the context seems to suggest that believers are to submit to appropriate authority structures. We do not order ourselves under just anyone’s authority who comes up to us in the name of Christ and do what he or she says. We are to submit to authority.
Second, there is a very close connection between verses 21 and 22 which is lost in the English translation but in the Greek, you can see that verse 22 gets its verb, “submitting,” from verse 21. Instead of the translation we have here: “and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” It might be better translated, “subjecting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ, wives to your own husbands, as to the Lord…” So it appears that the husband/wife relationship is used as an example of submission.
Third and finally, it is wives who are called on to submit to their husbands, and not the other way around, just as we find in I Peter 3:1, and the model we are given is of the Church submitting to Christ. With this God-given image in mind, is it possible to imagine Christ submitting Himself to the Church? It is for these reasons I believe the passage is advocating an authority structure in the marital relationship.
There is also the issue of the interpretation of “head” in this passage. Some interpreters take this to mean the “source,” or “original life-giver,” just as Adam is the source of Eve, or as Christ is the source of the Church, instead of being the authority. Now, while it is true that head can be used in this way in Greek, we see in the beginning of the book of Ephesians in 1:22, this word is used as authority, as it reads, “And [the Father] put all things in subjection under [Christ’s] feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the Church…” To be fair, in 4:15, it is possible that head is being used as “source” when Paul writes, “we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.” But even here, it seems that Christ is not merely the source, but the one who is directing and leading our growth together into the body of Christ. But again, in the context of our passage, the authority structure is laid out clearly. “Head” here fits in as “authority.”
I know I sound astonishingly archaic, and even dangerous to some of you, but I suppose I should further explain what this submission is and what it is not.
Submission does not entail husbands lording it over their wives. Indeed, husbands, as all Christians, are as Ephesians 4:32 says, called to humility, to kindness, to tenderheartedness, to forgiveness and as Philippians 2:3-4 says, that we are called to “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind [to] regard one another as more important than [ourselves];” and it continues: “do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” So this biblical headship is not about petty decisions which go to please the husband at the expense of the wife. And further, Christ, who is the example to the husband, has never been caught belittling and demeaning the Church. If we are looking for a corrective to such petty lording it over the wife, it comes immediately in the following verses which we will get to soon.
But first, I want to get back to the command to wives. * This submission is not conditional so long as it is in conformity with the teachings of Scripture. Wives are to submit to their husbands in “all things.”
My wife Charissa and I have been married for four short years. In that time, I do not believe that I have ever asked her to submit to my authority, nor has she ever said out loud, “I don’t agree with you, but I will submit to your leadership.” She has submitted to my authority I am sure, and most certainly has deferred to me, as I have to her. It is important that in our marriages, we pray for, and seek unity in our decision making. If we come to a place where we disagree and a decision has to be made, this is when the husband must lovingly take the lead and the wife must submit to her husband’s authority for good or for ill.
Some of you may feel that the idea of submission suggests that a woman is less than equal to a man. But submission does not make a person be of less essential value, but rather makes one merely functionally under authority. The Holy Trinity expresses this perfectly. The Son and the Holy Spirit are functionally under the authority of the Father in that they are sent by Him and obey Him; but they are still equal in essence and being. Further, when the Son became flesh, it says in Luke 2:51 that Jesus “subjected”—same word as we have in our passage—He subjected Himself to His parents, and to other governing authorities. This is a wonderful example for wives to remember as they submit to their husbands.
Another thing to note is that this word, “submit” is most likely in the middle, rather than the passive mood. This means that the wife is to submit herself to her husband as a free agent, rather than under some form of dictatorship. Husbands are not the ones to enforce this command. This section is written to wives and not to husbands. The husband is not told anywhere to play a trump card to get his way. This being said, you wives and future wives have the responsibility to submit yourselves to the headship of your husbands, which is ultimately submitting “to the Lord” { and this will reflect the glory of the Church which submits to Christ.
In the next section, verses 25-27, Paul turns his attention to the husbands where we are told that husbands are to sacrificially love their wives as Christ sacrificially loved the Church.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the Church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
In this passage, husbands are commanded to love their wives. / Like the wives’ submission, this command to love is unconditional, regardless of response to the love, or whether the wife is deserving of the love, for the Church is undeserving of the love which Christ has shown it. Romans 5:10 says that “…while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son...”
The example of the husband’s love is Christ’s love for the Church. The primary demonstration of Christ’s love for the Church is His death on the cross to redeem those who would believe in Him. There are then three purpose clauses for why Christ gave Himself for the Church. First, “that He might sanctify her.” Second, “that He might present to Himself the Church in all her glory,” and last, “that she would be holy and blameless.” The description here is a reference to betrothal and marriage as the bride is being prepared for the wedding. Just as Joseph and Mary were betrothed before Jesus was born and then they were married, so also is the Church betrothed to Christ. Her garments are being cleansed and ironed for the Bridegroom and she awaits the Bridegroom’s arrival to take her to unify her to Himself forever. This passage points back to the cross, but it also points forward to the end of the world where the Church will be perfectly unified with Christ.
Now, I do not believe that husbands sanctify their wives or make them holy as Christ does the Church. The point of this reference is not to suggest that husbands have such authority or power, but rather it demonstrates the care and the passion of our Lord Jesus Christ for His chosen ones, the Church; and it is this example of care and passion with which husbands are to love their wives.
But I do not want us to miss the main point of this section: husbands are to love their wives sacrificially—they are to love their wives even if they are to die for them. This command and example of Christ’s love for us is the corrective that some of us were looking for against the abusive husband who lords it over his wife.
C.S. Lewis writes in The Four Loves that the role of headship is “bestowed”—and then he corrects himself—it is “inflicted” on the man, and he writes:
“The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church. He is to love her as Christ loved the Church…and [to] give his life for her. This headship, then” Lewis writes, “is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least…”
Lewis is suggesting that the husband who is the head is so preoccupied with giving his life for his wife that there is no way a wife can give more than him.
The husband who takes seriously the commands of Scripture to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for it is too overwhelmed with the awesome responsibility and task │ to be concerned with lording it over his wife. He is too busy giving up his rights so that his wife will be cared for and that he might lead her to a closer knowledge of his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He will be far too busy wondering how he might serve his wife and sacrifice for her to be concerned with his petty hopes and desires and claims to authority. He will not be able to do enough dishes…vacuum enough floors…do too many loads of laundry…cook too many dinners…change too many diapers…or turn off too many football games. { His responsibility to serve his wife cannot be accomplished until death, and so his task is infinite and limitless.
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I am not the husband I have just described, and you husbands have likely fallen short as well. But you husbands: are you pursuing this sacrificial love for your wife in more than just words and sentiments?
When the world sees this sacrificial love played out even in part, it will get a glimpse of the love that Christ has for them, and for the Church.
Now we turn to verses 28-31 where Paul continues to command husbands saying that husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies, because a husband’s wife is his body. And I might add, I Corinthians 7 suggests that the wife’s husband is her body as well.
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the Church, because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
After Paul finished his discussion on Christ’s sacrificial love of the Church, he turns to another reason for a husband to love his wife. The reason is rooted in Genesis 2:24 which Paul quotes, that the husband and wife “shall be joined...and the two shall become one flesh.” The word translated “joined” is a Greek word that means to “Glue” or “Cement,” as the welding of two metals together. In other words, they are inseparable without great damage to both.
But the image is that a husband who takes care of his own body should take care of his wife who is his body. The words “nourish” and “cherish” are rich words in the Greek which suggest that one takes care of his body as one rears up a child, and “takes tender care of it.” The call for the husband to sacrificial love noted earlier, along with this tender and intentional care are powerful standards for the husband to keep. { But it once again points us to the fact that a husband who cares for his wife as he cares for himself is a picture of Christ and His tender care of His Church.
Finally, in verses 32-33, Paul recaps the passage by saying that the relationship between Christ and His Church is to be the model for Christian marriage.
"This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the Church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."
When the New Testament speaks of mystery, it does not speak of that which is incomprehendible as we do. Rather, it refers to something that had been hidden beforehand, but is now revealed. So rather than viewing this as an “extremely perplexing riddle,” we need to see this as a wonderful mystery which has been revealed. And specifically, it has been revealed in the coming of Christ, and it is revealed to the world in part and parcel in our marriages as wives submit to their husbands with a healthy reverence and fear that leads to submission. It is revealed in our marriages as husbands relinquish their rights and desires in sacrificial love. This wonderful mystery is revealed in good marriages which give us glimpses of the incomprehensible love of Christ for us which cast aside all authority to become flesh, and died the death of a criminal—all this in order to bring you and me into unity with Him, that we might have unhindered fellowship forever. This is the marriage to which we are called. AMEN.